The Musings of Morgan Rie

Now that I am to be taking potassium, magnesium, and iron prescriptions for the rest of the foreseeable future, I've been having a lot of mixed feelings about adding these to my weekly pillbox. I already have meds for anxiety, ADHD, and insomnia. I am fine with taking them all, they help me of course, but it can be such a hassle to keep track of everything's dosages, effects, and schedules. --- What’s one more pill? One more thing to swallow. What difference does it make? Add it to my list of things to take. I already  take so many. I already take so many . It doesn’t make a difference, don't make a scene. What if I don’t want my days planned around my pill-popping routine? What’s one more pill? One more thing to swallow.

I recently learned about the #NEISvoid on Twitter, a hashtag for people with chronic health problems and/or disabilities to post under. It stands for “No End In Sight” It's full of everything from venting about doctors (such as in my last post ), mutual aid requests, and tips for managing chronic fatigue. I had seen the tag before, but up until now, I had never wondered what it stood for. I often saw it accompanying the DisabilityTwitter tag, which I occasionally use, so I assumed it had something to do with disability. After writing the above section of this post, I took a break. I then got a call from my doctor, who ordered me a heart ultrasound and a heart monitor that I’ll need to wear for 24 hours. The soonest available appointment was January 4th, and for only the ultrasound. My heart monitor won’t be available until February. They can’t give me a date for when analysis of both of these will be done. It seems to be that I have officially entered the NEISvoid. I’m hoping to f...

Having a mysterious illness is so exhausting, both from the fatigue caused by the illness, and the burnout from all the medical appointments and emergency visits. The emergency visits are especially awful because every twelve hours is a new on-call doctor. I've been to the ER three times in the last two weeks, and I've never had a repeat doctor. I have to recount my entire medical history each time, and explain all the testing and results from the last time I was in. The three doctors I've seen in these visits have all focused on different aspects of the issues I'm having as well, the one tonight completely ignoring my main concern. BELIEVE PATIENTS! I shouldn't have to say that, but just because you've never seen someone show symptoms of low potassium or magnesium before it is extreme, doesn't mean it doesn't happen! I can tell when my potassium is low just by the way I feel! My doctor tonight simply shrugged off my intense chest pain, lightheadedness, ...

Working on my manuscript/memoir, and I have found that some of these scenes are incredibly had to write. Having been in a disassociative state for about two months and not remembering them makes it rather hard to write about what was happening then. And a simple time jump can't capture what I want to show was happening then. It's definitely a good thing that I don't remember those two months, they were incredibly traumatic, but I wish I knew how to capture the feelings in my memoir. As of right now, I have a sort of "whirlwind" scene with a voiceover, but I honestly have no idea how I feel about it, I would love some feedback, so here's the singular scene to represent that time period: ACT I SCENE IV MOORE FAMILY HOME ANDY is shown hunched over a bowl, throwing up, a whirlwind of motion surrounds them, ANDY is heard crying as ELIZABETH and HENRY hug them, and the cycle repeats ANDY VO: I don’t remember much of the next two months, I remember getting fi...

 2021 was the most unexpected year of my life, but I could not be more grateful that it happened, every last bit of it. It began with me getting Covid in January, most likely from one of the toddlers I worked with at my awful daycare job. Looking back, I thought that was the sickest I would ever be. Ah, the naivete of January. The year had only just begun. In late March, I found out I was pregnant. The morning sickness hit me almost immediately, and I was throwing up every single day. For most people, this only lasts for the first 12 weeks or so. I was still sick at 18 weeks. I missed the last two months of my senior year. I called in sick to work almost every day until I was eventually fired (the day I was going to put in my notice, of course. My boss beat me to it, oh well). I was able to graduate, though I was fighting morning sickness as I walked across the stage and received my diploma. No scenes were made, thankfully. In mid-June, I finally acknowledged that I was pregnant, a...

I wanted to christen my new sketchbook with something that reflected how I felt. Here is my life, organized, yet unpredictable. Fractals reach out, creating order within the chaos of irregular shapes. This was done with a Sharpie S-Gel 0.7 pen, and was created from 14 December 2021 to 18 December 2021

I've been feeling a lot of things towards my religion lately, especially after having not attended meetings for over two years now. I figured I may as well start to write things down, and let the healing process happen. It's rather interesting, that they say religion heals the soul, when for me, it has only opened wounds I never noticed it at first I thought it was normal That's why everyone else always cried at church, right? Wrong. Apparently, one can cry for joy The first time I did that was when I realized that religion doesn't need to be a bureaucratic web of rules and lists the dos the don'ts the checkpoints the benchmarks and rankings the haves and the have-nots and cycles of sin and confession and shame ~ Religion, for me at least is a word representing one's personal connection to the Divine, whatever that may be, according to each their own That's what I believe, and that's what healed my soul I think that's rather interesting.

A little something I wrote about some recent experiences I've had, which have been a huge inspiration for the majority of my writing. --- I always grew up hearing "Blood is thicker than water" This comforted me, as friends came and went Until I learned that "The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb" My world was inverted I had no blood, only water and I was drowning until I met you You became blood and you're joining us in the water ~ So yes, blood is thicker than water but however you mean it, we are 60% water and 10% blood and I'd like to believe that last 30% is love The love that binds us together The love that makes us fully human To truly connect one requires both blood and water

As I began my journey of writing my first manuscript, I wanted to find a community of similar individuals I could get feedback from, without feeling severely underqualified. I found the Insecure Writers Support Group, and I cannot wait to be a part of this wonderful community of writers like myself! I've linked their page below with instructions on how to join in case any of you are interested :) Join the IWSG Be sure to check out more writings from the IWSG below!